One of the greatest inventions of the modern computing era is the humble spreadsheeting program. This tool gives high end mathematics, statistics, accounting and finance power to ordinary everyday office workers, enabling them to access levels of knowledge and understanding that was previously off limits to them. Said differently, it puts WOMDs in the hands of those simply unqualified to use them.
With the power of spreadsheets I can understand and model the present, and then predict the future. If I just continue the line on the chart, it’s like my 10 year old on a skate board ramp – it just keeps going up. If I add 1, and 1, and 1, and 1 surely I get to 15 eventually. And if we do 7% per annum over 10 years, that’s like 70%. And the margin just gets better every year, cos our programmes will save 10%.
Man, this business is really going places – my spreadsheet tells me so. And I really trust my model, cos I spend all day with him. He even has a name – WorldsGreatestBusiness.xls. WGB and I have such a deep connection… I really trust my model.
We do simply everything together. Sometimes it’s like WGB knows what I’m thinking even before I do! With WGB at my side, I am the font of all knowledge. I know what happened, and what’s going to happen. On average, (that’s AVERAGE($me$1:$u$99), WGB tells me you’re lousy at your job. And the sum of my performance (SUM($then$1:$now$1)) is really good…oh hang on, WGB absolutely relatively screwed up. Just give me a minute and I’ll drag him in to line. Control See, Control Vee, that will do it. Now I’m even better than before. Oh, and your average is still average.
What’s really cool is that WGB and I have been putting this model together all day. If you give me another week we’ll be able to play with the colors, the thickness of the lines, the scale and make it look like you didn’t lose so much money last month. It really helps those that can’t understand the numbers; they can just follow the colours. Especially when I copy it to a slide for you – the numbers are a bit hard to see, but you can see the general trends….
Don’t question my data, don’t question my model. Analysts rule… ok?